photo credits: nonprofitmarketingguide.com


Decisions and choices. Both are part of our normal lives. Some may just be little things like where to eat and other minor things to decide on; but time comes when there are instances that your decision might make a big impact in your life later on. I have dealt with these kind of instances especially when it concerns my career and recently, I have encountered this dilemma again.

I am enjoying my job and I feel at home at the company where I am working right now. But a lot of personal things happened this year which made it emotionally unhealthy for me to stay. So I did my best to try to apply to different companies so that I can transfer jobs before this year ends. I am aspiring also to go back working for the government since contrary to common belief, it is more financially rewarding and they offer more benefits than private companies. I also prayed so hard so that I can go back as a public servant and I was blessed to actually have my prayer answered.

When I received the good news, surprisingly I wasn't happy. It just doesn't feel right. My close friends whom I already considered as sisters says that maybe I was just overwhelmed so I tried to delayed things. Weighing the pros and cons. Everyone around me especially my family says that this is one good opportunity to pass up and my inner self says the same but still, my heart is unhappy. Maybe yes because this current company became now a comfort zone despite staying here for just more than a year so I really had a hard time deciding. I can say that so far, this is the hardest decision making moment I have encountered lately.

The "Lots of thinking"  actually helped me realized things. Some things that I already know but have not yet accepted or I just pushed them all at the back of my mind. The fact is I don't want to leave this company yet for I still like my job and most of the people in different departments that I work with. I just wanted to leave because there are some people that I prefer not to see everyday and certain people that I no longer want to work with due to trust and other personal issues. Well, this year has been very hard for me emotionally so to speak and there are people that I thought can be trusted and I actually considered a sister before which turned out otherwise. I guess the saying is true that looks can be deceiving.

After lots of thinking and half decisions, a friend who already left the same company told me one advice that helped me a lot. She said that I shouldn't make decisions based on people and it really made sense. So now, I decided to stay.. for awhile that is because I feel I also have to leave this company eventually. I have decided that I should just be civil to these people and just treat them plainly as workmates. I have learned to really choose my friends and those people I would like to associate with, based on their real attitude and beliefs in life. I am trying my best not to share too much about myself unlike before when I was so much an open book. Really, we should choose those people to trust because not all that is visible to the eye is real.

Eventually I know I have to let go of these feelings but it does takes time and I am not there yet. For now, I will just spend time with the people in the office that I can trust and those whom I really enjoy the company. I will try to lessen my interaction with the other people I am just treating as plainly workmates. Here's a quote that a friend shared to me that I am trying to embrace lately.

"Disconnecting to certain people can bless your life"

I guess these people are not meant to be mainstay of my life as I am not meant to be in theirs. They are just passerby that served as avenues of learning and self realizations. There are people who seemed to have sided with these people and I accept that. I no longer have the desire to share with them my side of the story because there are times that you just have to let them be and let them discover things on their own. I guess that's how it really is supposed to be just as my friend hazel said.

So now, I'll just try to get by my work everyday and enjoy as much as I can the company of my real friends in the office. I can say I'm still lucky because I have friends here whom I can say that knows everything even my flaws, but still understood where I am coming from and accepted me with all their heart. Another advice when it comes to friendship, always be loyal, honest and open. Be a real friend so that they will be real and genuine as well to you. Eventually, having deep and honest conversations with them, your friendship will deepen naturally. I am not a perfect person but I know I am a good friend and that is what I'm really proud of. :)